Morning after morning, I wake myself up. I don’t have the normal mother or father to tell me to have a good day or make me breakfast. Sure I’m a senior in high school, but I’ve never had that. Even in elementary I took care of myself. My dad was dealing heavy drugs at the time and when he wasn’t dealing he was high or sleeping. Mom had tried several times to stay drug free but wasn’t successful with it. My dad wanted her just like him, destroyed. I have never really known what it was like to have parents that care. They didn’t understand why I hated the life we lived. More times than not they voiced their frustration that I thought I was better than them.
I listened to people talk about how their parents were annoying and watched them like hawks. They had to lie to do things they wanted to do when caring parents would try to provide them a net, so they wouldn’t get hurt, something that was only a dream for me. I yearned for that and knew I was never going to get it. I saw things I shouldn’t have seen but all it did was make me want to strive even more to make it, to get away from it. I was going to make it, and I was going to be nothing like my parents.
My evenings were pretty identical to my mornings. I did my homework, drummed with the band and then made myself something to eat. Mom worked at a hotel in housekeeping and when she was home she was either sleeping or sitting in her room in silence. I don’t know if she knew if I was dead or alive half the time nor would she have cared. Well that’s not true. If I was dead Aunt Ellen wouldn’t be paying our bills.
This is my senior year and all of my friends were going to be hanging out, partying, and having a good time, while I was just going to be living my life. It was a vicious cycle, and I was willing to do it because I knew I would survive it all. I was going to go to college and do the one thing that would piss my parents off the most and I would have full satisfaction in doing just that. It was going to make me happy to put people away that made and sold drugs and destroyed lives just like mine was.
Mom, Natalie and I are in the kitchen doing the dishes and Dad and Garrison are in the dining room eating. I’m a little worried about what they are discussing and wonder if I should go check on him. My dad is always a gentleman so I know he would never do anything to make him uncomfortable. Maybe they are talking football? Or colleges?
Natalie starts giggling. “I think you like him.”
“What?” I laugh.
“I agree,” Mom chimes in.
“Why is that?”
“You keep messing with your hair and you smile at him when he talks,” Natalie said matter of fact.
“Maybe I do a little. But he doesn’t like me that way. We are just friends.”
“That can always change…” Mom stated.
“I doubt it. He is a senior and he is gorgeous, incredibly talented…”
“And?” Mom asked.
“That’s absurd. You are beautiful. You are smart. You’re an amazing dancer. You are full of life, and I could go on and on.”
“You’re my mom and you have to say that.”
Natalie laughed. “I think he likes you too.”
“No, he doesn’t, not like that.”
Mom backs her up. “I’m pretty sure your little sister is right. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
“I don’t think so…”
“Well, time will tell.” Mom was sure of her statement.
Did she see something I didn’t? Surely not… we are just friends, aren’t we?